My grandmother went in to get her right hip replaced yesterday. Boy does that sound funny, but it’s amazing how they can just pull out an entire joint that’s pretty much essential to living and replace it then have that person up and walking that evening. Anyways, my grandfather was nervous, though he wouldn’t say it of course. That’s not a manly thing to do, and he turned into, what I like to call, a “Clouseau” (Pink Panther) while at the hospital.
When they first called us back to see her before the surgery he manages to trip over one of the doctor’s wheelie chairs, successfully landing with one knee to the floor. This all seemed to happen in slow motion too. Funny how that works. The nurse that was in the room almost successfully filled her drawers watching him go down. We got him back up and he sat down, regaining his composure, twiddling his thumbs and acting like nothing happened at all. Business as usual. The nurse told him to behave himself and to hold my hand on the way out. lol
He did manage to trip a little getting out of there, but I had shoved the wheelie chairs out of his line of travel, so nothing much happened. We got him to park himself in the waiting room and chill. He impatiently sat there waiting for the buzzer the nurse gave him to go off. Every buzzer in the room that went off made him jump for his. After the surgery was over we traveled to the next floor to wait. He was standing in the hallway and after about 30-40 minutes my grandmother finally shows up. She was still really out of it and drugged up. She couldn’t talk or anything just move her head and look around a little. When she was in place and set up, he went over to her bed and was leaning in to say goodbye and give her a kiss. He tripped again. The wheels on the bed weren’t locked so it started to roll off to the other side of the room, with him almost falling on her. My husband caught the bed so it quit moving but he looked at her heart monitor and saw that it had shot up about 10 points. I was watching her and her eyes were the size of pies and she gave my grandfather such a glare. The glare of I can’t do anything but if you stay around long enough I will try. The whole thing reminded me of a scene in the Pink Panther with Clouseau and Dreyfus. After that, we put the bed back in place and he again leaned in and was going to kiss her goodbye. He told her we were going to leave and her heart monitor instantly dropped a few points. I couldn’t help but laugh a bit.
I think from now on I’m going to keep any furniture with wheels on it away from him. Overall her surgery went really well though, they got her up on her feet that night to walk a bit and we got the old man home in one piece. We have success!
Hand shakes, they are one of the most common ways in this country to say hi and greet someone with. Today I met a woman, she extended her hand to me saying hi. So I extended mine in what I thought was just gonna me a small short handshake. Instead I got the death grip. She grabbed my hand so firmly that I thought it was gonna be crushed and she just kept holding it in this grip for a good minute. I almost started to worry her grip would get tighter and that she wouldn’t let go. There was no shaking involved in this “handshake” it was just a grab and sudden crushing.
It was the kind of handshake one would do if you had to shake hands with an enemy but had to be civil. Like ‘I don’t like you so rather than a friendly greeting I’m gonna CRUSH YOUR HAND! WAHAHAHAHA!’
Granted I don’t know this woman but that’s what her handshake reminded me of.
Then you have the earthquake shake. You get the people that won’t stop shaking your hand and keep shaking it while they proceed to talk about their life’s history and you’re like ok ok let go already!
You also get the creepy handshake, this is when someone tries to almost pet your hand or milk it. I never really understood how this is considered a handshake by anyone, but it happens!
Then you have the I really don’t want to touch you hand shake, or the whimpy shake. They try to keep the physical contact down to an absolutely minimum and make the shake as quick as possible. This usually happens if you have dirty hands, dry skin, or just managed to sneeze into your hands. Or sometimes the snooty people do it too but we won’t go there. 
Got any other types of handshakes? Had any amusing stories about them? Feel free to post in the comments. 